How Advisors Can Help Couples Confront Their Financial Skeletons in the Closet

Clients may have  skeletons in their closet … along with a few maxed-out credit cards.

Buying a home is one of the biggest financial decisions a couple will ever make. But taking that leap doesn’t guarantee partners know everything about each other. One in 5 people who bought a home with a partner hide spending from them, according to a report from Clever Real Estate, a property agent-matching service. Furthermore, nearly a third of buyers discovered major financial surprises about their partners after purchasing a home, ranging from a lack of savings to hidden credit card debt. Financial secrecy is a recurring issue advisors must help clients navigate. 

“While we aren’t licensed therapists, good financial planning involves many of the same skills,” said Easton Price, CFP at Prosperity Wealth Planning. “My role isn’t to judge or interrogate either spouse. It’s to explain that an accurate plan requires complete information, and hidden spending undermines shared goals, cash-flow projections and trust.”

What Are You Hiding?

Everyone deserves personal financial privacy; not every dinner out requires joint approval. But when finances are pooled, intentionally hiding major household decisions creates serious friction. Helping clients find a healthy middle ground requires a non-judgmental approach that ensures both partners feel comfortable and heard.

“There shouldn’t be transactions where someone feels ashamed or afraid to show their partner,” said Gitanjali Kumar, founder of Worthique. She noted cases where partners continued secret spending even after joint card access was restricted. “At that point, it’s no longer about independence … it’s financially irresponsible behavior affecting the household.”

According to the report, financial secrecy shows up in several ways: 

• Some 20% of secrecy-prone home buyers hid household-related costs, while 10% keep a secret account, although that figure surged to 30% among unmarried couples. 

• Just 8% hid a single purchase of $1,000 or more.

Kate Feeney, vice president of Summit Place Financial Advisors, said it’s not a common issue, but she does always like to meet with both partners to avoid those scenarios before they ever get started. “It’s generally considered financial infidelity, and it can have significant emotional and financial consequences.”